gender fucking: a response to a FtM trans individual

lore dickey, a Ph.D. candidate in Counseling Psychology at the University of North Dakota, spoke in the class, Psychology of Women on February 10. He is a FtM trans individual, which means he was born with a female body, assigned the “female” gender, and was socialized that way. As he mentioned to the class, he (and probably no one in class) never had his chromosomes checked. He explained that after he had been sober for almost five years, he decided to transition to be male and identify that way. He now passes as a man and identities as a gay man. I know lore from the UND Counseling Center, as well as him being a person I have gone to for gender identity resources for my senior paper and other reasons. But I had never heard his personal story, so it was really fascinating and awesome to hear it. lore brought in gender identity politics, psychological issues, and his own personal insight. It was inspiring to hear someone who thought like I did in regard to the issues of gender and sexuality.

As a student who is interested in identity politics, I was aware of most of the things that lore spoke about. My senior paper had a queer theoretical approach and I had interviewed a FtM transgender parent who identified as a “parent”, but his daughter called him “mom.” Since I am not a trans/gender/sexual individual, I also have made myself aware of the privilege I have for NOT being a trans/gender/sexual individual. Which means that I have cisgender privilege. I have a female body, I am a woman (and pass as one), and I have not gone through different (legal, medical, psychological, and so on) procedures to change my gender. While, my oppression as a woman is a different issue, it was a good realization for me to have/come to.

Schooling myself on gender identity, I also reflected on my own gender identity. Being there for lore’s presentation allowed me to reflect on that, again. I identify as a “womyn” for the most part and still think it’s important to do that. However, I sometimes identify as “GenderQueer”. I do not like associating things as “feminine” or “masculine.” For example, I do not shave or wear makeup, but I also wear dresses. However, I bike in a dress and tell men (for the most part) to f*ck off when they are sexist toward me. I recently realized that perhaps some of my gender to not identify with anything feminine was internalized misogyny and/or feeling that I was not “queer” enough or my femininity was “too traditional.” I recently started being okay with my gender identity as a “womyn” and realized that identity is how I chose, no one can tell me otherwise. And as much as I’d rather not have gender be in our world, it is, and there is privilege and oppression from it on many levels. It needs to recognized, analyzed, and deconstructed.

It was surprising to see gender identity in the DSM-5. I also found it interesting in how one determines the “issue.” For example, the dress and toys coming into the diagnosis with children. I have a girl-child, a daughter. I have raised her to be somewhat gender neutral; I have raised in a way for her to feel and be okay with playing with any toy that she wants to and any other child can, too. She also understands that if a boy wants to wear a dress, that’s okay. I remember getting along with boys in high school more or telling my mom that sometimes I wish I was a boy when I was 14. I do not think this necessarily means that I want/ed to be a boy/man/male. Right now, I do not want to. I embrace my female-body, I fight back the oppression I experience, and am an ally to trans/gender/sexual individuals if they want me to be. Would I had been diagnosed with “Gender Identity Disorder in Children/Adults”? What about my child? The fact that I have normalized “gender-fucking” with myself and with her explains that we understand gender that is fluid, not gender that is rigid and static. To us, it is okay for there to be “masculine wimmin”, “androgynous queers”, “femme bois” and so on.

lore handed out a wealth of information in regard to gender identity. I particularly enjoyed the terminology, I believe some of them were from http://www.transacademics.org (a website he moderates and I used for my senior paper). The terms were also easy to understand, which I feel is important when talking about this issue. This is very new for a lot of people and we are completely socialized and then we internalized the gender binary of female/woman/girl and male/man/boy. The terminology already starts to break down that binary by explaining to people that there is more than the binary and that it is okay (and I think, good!)

I felt lore was really open about his experience. In fact, he brought in pictures of how he looked “before.” I know of some trans/gender/sexual individuals that do not want to remember their past and/or acknowledge that they have transitioned. I felt he was courageous, brave, and honest.

lore also provided a great list of resources and books on this subject! I am happy to say that I can personally recommend a few of these because I have read them myself. One of my favorites is The last time I wore a dress: A memoir by D. Scholoniski. He also had Stryker, Feinberg and Bronstein listed who are two big authors in transgender studies. I was excited to see the many more readings suggested.

On the second page of the information, there is a listed of legal documents that need to be changed. From the trans/gender/sexual people I know, this has been a long, drawn-out process. Often times, it seems as though they will get stuck on the birth certificate. Or the fact that the financial issues become an issue of race and class. Things like this are never talked about or at least people do not think of all the aspects of one’s life that needs to be transitioned beyond the actual body.

Finally, lore’s story of the bathroom was fascinating. It is sad that men cannot engage with other men in the same context as women. They would be seen as “feminine” which is misogyny, I believe (like, lore mentioned in his class in regard to another issue). People do not want to be associated with femininity because it is lower than “masculinity” in regard to worth. So many of these restraints hold so many people back and place them into positions of how they “should” act and behave.

All in all, the presentation was wonderful. It was a great way to put a human face on an issue that is a part of our reality, but yet not spoken for much. Trans/gender/sexual people are discriminated against and murdered, which is a hate crime. His presentation was also a way for students to be educated on this issue, to start making the connection of a body may not necessarily mean a specific gender. It was also a way for them to start breaking and deconstruction gender as a whole and gender for themselves.