why I left most communities

I feel I've disassociated myself with most communities. Why? Because I am not queer enough to be queer because I am not a lesbian (bisexual, omnisexual, pansexual), I have a child (thus has resulted in being called a 'breeder'), I am not the typical traditional student because I m older and have a kid, I'm not straight enough because I'm not straight and do not have a nuclear family. I'm not "anarchist" enough because I have to fucking work to live and I can't go to protests and potentially get arrested and have my kid taken away. Because all of that is SO not worth it.

But fuck it.

Who gives a shit if I am not "whatever enough" to be a part of these communities. I never need to prove myself to anyone, if I do or have to ... than everything is bullshit.

I don't want to be a part of communities in which I am referred to as "breeder" or be afraid that drugs around. I don't want to be a part of communities who equate getting wasted at every event is resisting capitalism and the "status quo" in society. I don't want to be a part of communities in which I am the one providing the childcare at the events so the non-parents can sit and participate in events, completely ignoring the fact that they say they are "child-friendly" but really aren't. I don't want to be a part of communities that have stalkers or sex offenders and no one calls them out on it. I don't want to be a part of communities who judge me because I have a kid, or because I am going to school, or because I am on welfare. I'm not radical enough because fuck! I'm on foodstamps and medicaid - I am just "buying into the system" right? Well, okay - then ya'll provide the $300 a month that my daughter's asthma medication is. Or feed us. Can any community do that? Probably not. Not here anyway. How about the thousands of dollars from her hospital stays and visits because of asthma attacks? I don't want to be a part of communities that smoke weed and do illegal activities that can put my kid in danger.

Most communities I've been involved with have varied politically, however would probably all agree with each other. I have felt judged for having a kid, for going sober, for being not straight or a lesbian, and for going to school. None of those are like, radical enough for some people. Is it because I can't dress in all black with a mask on and knock over garbage bins anymore? Is it because I "breeded" and got pregnant and decided to continue it? But wasn't that my choice? One of the most radical things I do is raise my kid and a be mom.

I don't want to be a part of a community that gets drunk for the revolution, that has every event centered around alcohol, that I can't bring my child with, and that doesn't support my choices to parent and my sexuality. I refuse to be a part of a community that I am referred to nothing more than a "breeder". I refuse to be a part of a community that thinks I "sold out" because I decided to get an education so I don't have to be in poverty my whole life. I refuse to be a part of a community that does not acknowledge their privileges and whether that be white, male, able-bodied, cisgender, non-parent, sexuality, class, etc etc.

I want community-building to be fucking serious. I don't want people to be left out or marginalized within these communities. Everyone needs to be included and everyone needs to be inclusive.